The Badass Women

(AKA Those Who 'Run With The Wolves')

Every woman has her own style, vibe, culture, and history. These distinct, unique journeys that comprise a woman’s story is what makes her -- what makes you -- badass. But sometimes we might find ourselves wondering, “Do we have what it takes to step into our destiny? How does the magic happen?”

I found myself in this spot six months ago, right when I was about to launch this site. I had no idea whether my dream would actually come to fruition, or whether I’d successfully be able to make a difference. But I knew I had to try. And now here we are, half a year later, continuing to journey ahead and help others do the same. None of this would’ve happened without the badass women in my life who I’ve leaned on in some of the deepest valleys, women who empowered me to not only realize my dreams, but to pursue them relentlessly.

Asking for help has not come naturally to me, but I’ve found that in doing so, I’ve learned from some of the most badass women. They’ve shown me what it takes to unleash the inner badass within myself, and now I’d like to help you do the same.

First, What Even Is A “Badass Woman?”

Every woman wears “badass” differently. For some, it might look like grand success, making millions as an entrepreneur. For others, it might look like providing for your family, or just getting through the day. While a badass woman might look different from person to person, the important thing is that she continuously rises up to her potential, living out her unique calling and purpose. She continues to show up, whether that’s at the gym or the office or her home. She’s present, staying true to herself and believing in what she’s doing. There’s a confidence about her that fearlessly moves forward, surrendering to the unknown with joy and fierceness. She’s a self-starter, getting up and making it happen. She doesn’t live in her head, but rather believes in what she does and pursues what she wants.

There are certain things, though, that can keep us limited and stuck, suppressing our calling towards being badass. It’s easy to let life jade us, and prevent us from being a badass woman. It’s important that we call these things out as we see them, so that we can remove the obstacles and emotions keeping us from our destiny.

What Keeps You From Being A Badass Woman? (4 Things To Lookout For)

There are four major things in my life that have kept me from rising up to my true potential. The first was shame from not having a formal college degree, which made me feel insecure and presented the lie that I was a less “ideal” candidate than the rest. Fear and doubt that I could be independent, successful, and provide for myself led me to walk with my head down more than my chin up. Discouragement from unmet expectations was a blow to my self-esteem and self-confidence. And finally, comparing my story to others, questioning whether they’d connect to it or not, has led to making assumptions of what others think and doubting I’ll make the impact I want to make. I tend to think I’m not alone in struggling with these things, which is why I’ve outlined them below and how we can begin to overcome these emotions when they come knocking.

1. Shame

What Is Shame?

Shame is a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation, an overall feeling that your whole self is wrong. This isn’t always related to a specific behavior or event. Shame makes a person feel unworthy or inadequate, affecting their self-image and self-esteem. It can keep you stuck in the past, stuck in your story, without moving forward. Here are a few “symptoms” of shame:

• Feeling sensitive/unappreciative

• Feeling like you have little impact

• Fear of what other people think about you

• Feeling inadequate

• Feeling like others don’t want to hear what you have to say

• Feeling rejected

• Not being able to trust others

• Being an “outsider” -- feeling left out

• Hiding yourself/acting like a wallflower

Shame gives you a list of all the reasons why you “shouldn’t” with very little encouragement or confidence in the reasons you “should.” Here are a few reasons to help overcome feelings of shame and be the badass woman you were created to be!

Overcoming Shame

Instead of giving into shame, recognize it for what it is -- acknowledge your feelings, but don’t let shame win by keeping you from taking the step you need to take. Dig into the shame’s roots. Ask yourself, “Where’s this coming from?” “What caused me to feel this way?” “Is this from something I’ve failed at recently or from something in the past?” To overcome shame, you also need to listen to how you talk to yourself. Are your thoughts toward yourself kind, gracious, and compassionate? Make sure your self-talk is healthy, not toxic. And finally, ask for help. It’s easy to let shame keep us isolated and afraid to even ask for help in the first place. But seeking support isn’t about weakness, it’s about humility and honesty -- being able to admit that you’re struggling. Sometimes it takes more than just ourselves to take the next step. We might find that we get to where we need to go much faster when we have another helping hand.

2. Fear & Doubt

What Is Fear?

Fear is “an unpleasant emotion caused by being aware of danger.” Fear keeps us frozen, trapped in “what-if” thoughts, which prevent action while encouraging future-tripping. Oftentimes, this creates excuses that cause us to stop moving forward with our goals. If we bite into the apple of fear, we tend to shift back into the familiarity of habitual comfort zones, leading us to question why even started what we started in the first place. When I had the idea of launching this site, I was pounded with questions like, “What’s your business plan?” “How are you going to make money doing this?” “Why do you wanna be stuck in the past?” These made me spiral into my own negative self-talk, causing me to doubt my message. The temptation was to just shut down, letting fear keep me from pursuing a big passion I had. However, I hung onto my convictions and pushed forward through the fear, launching my site and blog anyways. I’m so glad I did, as it’s made a profound impact in my own life and in the life of several others.

Overcoming Fear & Doubt

This is how we overcome fear and doubt. We keep plowing through, even amidst fear. As we make a habit of movement vs. stagnancy, we create a pattern of “doing” and of being badass, even in the face of fear. Keep fighting for what you believe in -- see your passions and dreams through. Don’t give up and abort your purpose because of a few what-ifs!

3. Discouragement

What Is Discouragement?

Discouragement is a loss of confidence or overall enthusiasm. It’s a deflated spirit, one that becomes less confident and hopeful amidst circumstances. Sometimes, when we’re working hard and not seeing the results we want, or expect, we can succumb to weariness. A results-driven society can contribute to this, causing us to lose focus on the small joys and passion behind our actions. Not knowing where to start or how to get to where we want to go can make us downtrodden. This is when it’s vital we remind ourselves of truth, which is what’ll help us overcome discouragement.

Overcoming Discouragement

We overcome feeling deflated and dispirited by reminding ourselves of what is true and what our purpose is. It’s about remaining in a posture of gratefulness in spite of the hardships and struggles we face. Sometimes it helps if we write down our purpose and glance back at it on a regular basis. Sometimes it’s about reflecting on what’s good in our life -- gifts that we have surrounding us that maybe we’ve taken for granted. Overcoming discouragement means persevering when it’s hard and we don’t feel like it. It’s about being wise in where we find our encouragement and the inner circle we have surrounding us. Note: Not everyone you meet or ask for help is the right person to confide in or work with! We ought to be wise with who we entrust our emotions and passions to.

4. Comparison

What Is Comparison?

As Teddy Roosevelt says, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparison is placing two or more things/people against one another, weighing similarities and dissimilarities. It fails to highlight the unique, distinct features that are within an individual, instead focusing on what one person has or doesn’t have. Comparison tends to make us think we need to look or act a certain way to find success or applause. It leads us down a path made for someone else, causing us to miss out on a uniquely carved path for our own walk. The truth is, success looks different for everyone. Our journey will look different from those even in the same industry, and that’s okay. We can appreciate and learn from other badass women who are out there succeeding and thriving without compromising who we are and what our purpose is in the process. Here are a few tips in helping us deal with comparison:

Overcoming Comparison

First, focus on your unique strengths. What’s different about your story? What makes you you? What makes your business distinct and set apart? Identify the quirks and past experiences and interesting qualities that are unlike anyone or anything else out there. Next, have people surrounding you who believe in you and can equip you with the tools you need to move forward. They can help challenge you to continuously improve yourself -- competing with yourself and not with others. And finally, spend some time off social media. It’s easy to look at glamorous posts and the lives of others, but we all know social media is all about perception and is very rarely reality. Make sure you’re spending time enjoying what’s around you instead of making assumptions about other people’s lifestyles.

Here Are 9 Badass Women In My Life

In case you missed my Instagram posts these past few weeks, I’ve featured the badass women in my life who have made an impact and encouraged me to pursue my own dreams. They each have their own unique stories and ways of inspiring me. I’d like to take this time honoring and celebrating them below:

1. Dr. Jennifer Segal

I want to give a huge shoutout to a badass dermatologist that caught what three doctors missed -- a diagnosis that completely saved my life. Jennifer Segal took one look at my lips and immediately knew I had skin cancer. In my first surgery, I had 2.5 inches of my bottom lip cut out, with multiple surgeries to follow. It was less than ideal, but I’m incredibly thankful for how Dr. Segal used her giftings to help save my life.

“LOVE YOUR SKIN, Love yourself”- Jennifer Segal

2. Karen Shackelford

Please meet Karen Shackelford. She is a dear friend and a Stage 3 breast cancer survivor.

Karen was brought into our life through her incredibly talented daughter Catherine. I truly believe God’s hand led them to us. In the midst of one of the most difficult times in my life, Karen opened her home to my son and me. The love and compassion we felt was unlike anything we had ever experienced. I truly believe she is an angel, one who touched our hearts and gave us hope when we thought it was gone. Karen is a breast cancer survivor, and one of the strongest, most badass women I have ever known. Her faith and devotion to her family are the most beautiful gifts to be a part of. She is committed to “opening your eyes” to hope and freedom. God is moving in incredible ways, and Karen is there standing by his side, encouraging all of us to keep fighting. There are no words to describe how blessed I am to be a part of her (that) message!

3. Catherine White

Our story begins 2 years ago, when I brought my son home from LA, where he spent the last year battling addiction. Johnny and I both struggled with the trauma of the past, as well as our search for purpose. My heart knew we had a story to tell, but I had no idea how to tell it. We bounced around the idea of writing a book together, and for a while it was just that… an idea.

One day, I spent hours on the computer, scouring the internet for any information that could help me put the words on paper. I came across a website called Fiverr, and found myself looking through pages and pages of different writers. I called Johnny over to see if anyone stood out, and immediately he pointed and said, “Her, she's the one.” So we sent her a message, we hoped, and we waited. Soon after, I received a message from a woman named Catherine Anne White, and that day marked the day that she would change the course of our lives forever.

It only took one phone call for Johnny and I to know that Catherine was special. We felt as if God sent us the brightest of lights, so that we could find our way out of the darkness. We were complete strangers, and yet she marched with us into our traumatic past and led us back to the present. Week after week, we had the pleasure of meeting with Catherine as she brought our dream of writing a book to life. As we told her our story, she told us hers, and we were graced with the gift of getting to know one of the most beautiful souls we know. This past year has been filled with numerous hardships, and Catherine has been there every step of the way. I sit here writing this in tears, struggling to find the words to even describe how blessed I feel to know this beautiful woman, and friend.

4. Jessica Meyer

My Soul Sister.

It all started when I was 16 and was just chosen to model for a Houston fitness magazine. The photoshoot took place at the family home of a girl that would become a vital part of my life and my story. Around a year later, I crossed paths with that same girl again and officially met Jessia Stern, and our friendship was born.

I see this woman as a warrior that fights for self-love, as well as one who inspires it. She created a symbol of empowerment that has helped countless women find the courage to pursue their dreams fearlessly, and I am one of them. Watching Jessica create Bulletgirl inspired me to find and use my own voice. Whenever I’m in doubt, she's the badass woman in my corner pushing me

forward, reminding me to never forget who I am.

5. Jenifer Stern

Jennifer always had a passion for helping others, both with mental health issues and addiction. Even though she faced her own struggles, she was constantly teaching others how to be better and how to live with hope. Jennifer passed away recently, but the message she carried will be one that moves for generations to come. None of us will be the same without her, but her family and friends will be shining her light onwards.

6. Susana Brener de Stern

Mother to Jessica and Jennifer Stern, partner of Bulletgirl, Susanna Brener de Stern is one of the most stunning women I have ever known.

When I first met Susanna, I instantly knew what kind of woman I wanted to be. There was an art to not only her presence but her passion for life. Some people are intoxicating to be with, and Susanna is one of them. The way that she cared for herself and her skin ignited my passion for skincare and wellness overall.

Susanna has a magical way of lifting up the people around her. She has an energy that radiates warmth and light, and being in this woman's presence is fuckin’ awesome.

7. Melaine Jacobs

Melaine has taken Austin by storm. Melaine is not only a salon owner of 3 hair salons (about to be 4 with her upcoming Skin by Deep Roots!), she also launched another business in real estate called Property Sistas! Melanie and her partner, Haven Tibbetts design and renovate affordable, chic, boho condos in Lake Travis, which can be bought or rented through Airbnb (temporary link in bio!).

I met Melaine a year ago when I started seeing her for my hair. Not long after we met, I told her about my dream of creating a website, and how I felt stuck in knowing how to move forward. She immediately connected me with Monica Mott, who helped spring my website, social media, and really my entire brand to life.

Watching Melaine pursue new ventures with fearlessness has made a profound impact on me. She’s confident, savvy, and one of the most talented creatives I know. She loves her clients just as much as we love her!

8. Bridget Dunlap

Throughout life, people come and they go. New friendships are born, and some are put on pause while they move through the world. In my experience, the universe seems to reconnect me with not only people but the lessons they have learned. Two years ago, I was really struggling after bringing my son home from rehab. I felt as if I was being torn between two options: Listen to that motherly instinct of wanting to save my son, or let my son save himself. At the time, exercise felt like the only catharsis, and I trained daily. After my training sessions, I would walk back to my car and notice a woman that felt extremely familiar and I couldn’t figure out why. But one day it all clicked, and I realized that I had been walking past one of my best friends from elementary school, Bridget Dunlap. Even back in elementary school, I remember Bridget having a fierceness about her. She was someone that would let hardship stand in her way, a true dreamer.

On the surface, meeting an old friend could have been just a coincidence, but I saw it as something much deeper. Bridget and I reconnected, and we had the pleasure of filling each other in on all of the time that went missing. I listened to the story of a single mom, working her ass off at three different jobs, doing everything she could to make ends meet. Despite facing hardship, she stayed true to herself, and fought. Eventually, Bridget would later transform an old, forgotten neighborhood into one of the most successful nightlife districts in Austin: Rainey Street. Listening to Bridget’s story inspired me to push into the unknown, follow my intuition, and take a chance. This is a woman that invoked so many changes in my life, and I am beyond grateful to know such a beautiful soul.

9. Helen Brevell (Mom)

Helen Brevell, the lioness of a mother that brought me into the world. When I think of my mom, I think of her as an inextinguishable flame burning with passion. This is a woman that has constantly set aside her own needs for her family and loved ones.

Mom, you are the person that has impacted my life the most. Ever since I was born, you have firmly stood by my side. You not only taught me how to dream, you taught me how to venture out into the world and capture them myself. Throughout my life, you have been my rock and my foundation, and I am honored to have such an incredible mother.

Burst Into Bloom

As you head into your weekend, I want to leave you with this quote:

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories... water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With The Wolves

May you run with the wolves, and unleash the inner badass woman that you are.